Difficulties

Sometimes I fail to follow my own advise. While on my journey for True Love I didn't quite get the "Loving Others" thing down. In loving others that also means loving and praying for people who I may not particularly like. Now I like MOST people, I give anyone and everyone a chance but some people completely demolished my trust and well...the friendship just kinda failed. Recently I was put into a situation where I was at a social event and a girl that I don't really care for was there, I said hello to everyone else but completely ignored her. I felt bad for it later and wanted to talk to her, just to see how she was doing. Before I did that though I kind of made a joke about it to my friends, and I didn't really handle the situation maturely or in a Christlike way. After I approached her and told her hello and asked how she was doing I felt awkward, and I knew I shouldn't have, well I mean I should have, but I shouldn't have sugar coated it. I felt bad for faking kindness and love...Thats not what Christ would have done. Later I was approached by her and we ended up fighting. For those of you who know me, I'm a lover not a fighter. I tried to flee from the situation but I was pursued. I felt cornered and lashed out. I'm not in any way justifying things that were said on my part. I ended up leaving the social event early because I was so worked up about the situation. When I got home I called Liz right away and talked to her about the whole thing. After she got me calmed down I started to really think about what had gone on. Part of me was replaying everything in my head and thinking of things I SHOULD have said, and the other part of me was thinking about how I was extremely stupid. I wish I could get a chance to apologize to this girl and really share my heart with her. But I doubt I will see her again and that is heartbreaking to me. I hate leaving on a bad note and I hate not settling drama that is half way my fault.

I learned that loving those who have hurt me and loving my enemies are two separate and two difficult things to do. I learned that you're only affected by what people say and do if you CARE and LOVE them in the first place, like when Cooper broke up with me, I cried for days BUT I still love him with every fiber of my being. With this girl we are hard core enemies, I didn't care what she said because I had no connection in my heart with her. She didn't hurt me, and I don't think I hurt her, I didn't say anything hurtful anyways. I am still called to love her though, even though I have NO connection to her in my heart. I'm called to pray for her. That has been the hardest sitting down and praying for her. It shouldn't be, if I'm a pro at Loving others like I think I am. I guess I'm not as good at this as I thought I was. I guess you could say I hit a bump in the road on my journey to mending my spirit and finding the True Love God wants me to have. As the saying goes "We live and we learn" but I wish the learning process was a little bit easier than this.

If the person that this is about ever reads this, know that I'm sorry for my actions and I wish I could go back to last night and change words that were said on my part. God Bless you in everything that you do.

Peace. Love. Blessings.
Brittany Lauren <3